Could it be affecting your daily life or your relationship? Why is porn so very hard to resist? I’ve been there, done that, and return to tell the tale. I’ve discovered some answers that will help you deal with porn and it’s not about forcing you to ultimately stop. Understand your reasons for diaper porn, regain freedom from the compulsion, find integrity and strength, and reconnect to yourself and your loved ones.
“I will stop considering porn anytime I want to; I stop virtually every day. But I can’t resist the urge to begin again. Am I dependent on porn?” Does this sound as you? Some psychologists think porn may be addicting but many disagree. It’s not addictive just like a drug can be – I’ve looked at porn before, and I’ve spent years without porn without withdrawals. Calling porn addictive is a straightforward explanation that basically explains nothing.
Still, I have discovered porn hard to resist at times. It seemed strongest when I was feeling anxious, lonely, or depressed. Why shouldn’t I indulge in some fantasy connection with an attractive, willing woman without any demands or responsibilities? What’s the harm? Nevertheless when it was over and I was wiping up the outcome, I’d made no progress with whatever was bothering me. I don’t want to think about just how much of my life has been wasted in mindless unproductive activity watching porn. So just why did I keep going back to it?
As a young adult, porn was an exciting way to find out a forbidden topic. Later, when my first marriage was failing and my business taking place the tubes, I indulged in porn as a temporary escape. Through the lonely years following the divorce, I used porn as a cream for loneliness and depression. All of the made some type of sense, but after Victoria moved in with me, I was still drawn to consider porn though it upset her. How could I sound right of the? Now I’d a solid reason to give up, but I was totally hooked on porn.
In trying to realize why I was hooked, I ran across all the lame reasons: “that’s just the way men are,” “men are more visually oriented than women,” and “it’s ways to satisfy the male instinct to spread his seed.” And there have been a lot of excuses too: “I’m not hurting anyone,” “it’s nothing to do with you, Sweetie,” and “at the least I’m not out chasing other women.”
Nothing seemed to create sense in my experience until I discovered this simple explanation: porn is a method to meet up some deep need within me. The essential theory is that actions are motivated by attempts to generally meet basic human needs. An easy example: a fundamental need is shelter; as a caveman, I would look for a cave; as a new professional, I would rent an apartment. But we are not simple creatures; often meeting one need means not meeting another. The caveman might have to sleep in the open to check out his food source. The young professional may have to decide between the nice apartment and sharing a house due to limited funds. Essentially they both have to get new strategies to meet up their need for shelter.
Watching porn is really a method of meeting some basic needs. After much self-examination, I still find it intimacy without fear that I’m trying to find. Needless to say, it’s only a facsimile of intimacy when comparing to true intimacy with a real woman, but I’m only now beginning to master what it may be like to really have a relationship without fear. Throughout most of my entire life I kept a specific reserve, avoiding the risk of letting someone know the actual me. Sexual intimacy was something, and easy – even affection was easy. But setting up? Showing a lady my deepest self? Not a chance. What if she didn’t like me? Imagine if she rejected me? What if I wasn’t adequate? Learning a woman was always exciting from the beginning – maybe she was usually the one who’d accept me as I was. What I didn’t realize was that there wasn’t an opportunity anyone could really accept me if I didn’t ever open up. Eventually, the excitement died and we drifted apart for whatever reason was handy.
This cycle was destructive, and deeply unsatisfying. I’ve always wanted someone I really could feel safe with, with whom I possibly could release and be me without fear of being rejected, but real women weren’t filling that need – through no fault of theirs. The closest thing I found was porn. With porn there clearly was no worry that she’d leave me or that I wasn’t good enough. The images were always ready when I needed them and prepared to play whatever role I wanted.